Country told to review life sentences reviews life sentences. Society remains intact.

A country told by the European Court of Human Rights to start reviewing what were previously whole life sentences without possibility of parole has started reviewing them and has found that society hasn't totally broken down into a lawless morass.

The country, who wishes to remain anonymous, told The Scrutiniser that a case brought to the court by a group of lifers that it had gone through due process, had been carefully considered and the ramifications of the decision weren't actually all that.

"We were told that there had to remain the possibility of rehabilitation and reform, that that was the primary purpose of incarcerating people rather than pure retribution. And, you know what, that actually seems fair enough", a spokesman for the country said. "It seems a fairly simple extension of logic that that possibility - no matter how remote it may seem from an offender's behaviour at the time of conviction - should be extended to all and not excluded from a few, no matter what the extenuating circumstances. It's a principle of fairness and not making shit up as you go along".

When asked about what then happened when such cases began to be reviewed, the spokesman replied "Well we'd been told by the right-wing opposition that it would signal the end of humanity as we know it, that we'd have to release wildly dangerous criminals onto the streets and it was the death of all of us and how would you like to be slashed to death as you slept. What we found, though, was that we reviewed the cases and those that remained a danger to society, to others, to themselves, were kept locked up and a new review schedule put in place. We had one bloke who killed his family and still doesn't accept responsibility - that's not rehabilitation so he's still inside. Another was banged up because he's a serial killer of gay men. He's a danger to society - still inside. It's actually quite easy and painless".


"Fundamentally, though", the spokesman concluded, "we didn't want to be isolated with only noted human-rights abuser Belarus for company. And the UK".