Monday, 31 July 2017

Wakefield Road works to last until 'Zombie apocalypse'

Commuters can expect further Wakefield Road misery until 'the Zombie apocalypse' according to engineers.

The busy route between Waterloo and Shorehead roundabout has been in disrepair for some time and continual work on gas mains and water mains, coupled with pavement and kerb upgrades have seen to it that there have been roadworks and disruption on Wakefield Road for as long as we have been at war with Eurasia. And we have always been at war with Eurasia.

But an end may be in sight with the council-appointed contractor saying that the work will be complete just in time for the dead to rise from the ground and go around eating everyone's brains. "Phase 1,345,384,671B of the works will be complete when the River Colne runs red with the blood of a thousand virgins", a press release said, "with outstanding works and snagging to be complete in time for the inevitable and looming rising of the dead - the so-called Zombie apocalypse".

While this is good news for beleaguered commuters, it's feared that once the dead do rise up, it will cause major cracks in the road surface, necessitating further works that may last until the robot uprising.

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