Wednesday, 29 May 2013

All societal problems solved with lager ban

Council leaders today claimed to have solved all of society's problems after a number of licensees on the Real Ale Trail - the popular train-based pub crawl between Dewsbury and Stalybridge - decided to impose a ban on lager sales.
Drawing on research conducted by the Knee-Jerk Reactionary department at the University of Easily Generated Right-Wing Newspaper Headlines, landlords at a number of pubs along the route have clearly identified that the root cause of the increase in anti-social behaviour along the ale trail is down to offering a wide range of beverages for customers.

Intensive research has shown that people have only ever caused trouble after imbibing lager and with the increased popularity of the Real Ale Trail over the last few years and pressure on police, magistrates, courts and legal aid budgets, stopping people from buying lager will instantly slash anti-social and criminal behaviour and the associated costs will see a similar reduction. It all stands to reason and makes perfect and utter sense.

No more problems are expected on the line and that will be an end to that. Oh yes.

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