Friday, 3 May 2013

New barriers at region's railway stations

After the successful implementation of ticket barriers across the Northern Rail network, a new type of barrier is set for a trial with an eye on full implementation by 2015.
After consultation with Passenger Focus, the railway users pressure group, Northern Rail are one of seven train operators keen on trialling the new barriers which aim to make the actual journey part slightly less utterly depressing and obnoxious by not allowing detestable and foul-smelling objects on board their diesel-powered misery tubes.

The barriers scan passengers as they pass through and an alarm is raised if traces of banana are detected. Anyone triggering the alarm will have the offending item removed from them and they'll be barred from going onto the platform unless it is disposed of safely. Large decontamination bags will be used by specially trained staff to deal with discarded items.

The move comes as the weather improves which serves to amplify the foul smell on packed commuter trains. It's thought that many thousands of pounds can be saved by not having to clear up large pools of vomit from the floor of carriages where people are so inconsiderate as to actually open a banana without thought or consideration for others.

Elsewhere, train operators are in discussion with the RMT and other transport unions over the acceptability or otherwise of on-board announcements. Union members are thought keen to have meaningless phrases like 'arriving into' and misleading ones such as 'this train will terminate here' removed from scripts as it is demeaning and makes conductors look like gibbering imbeciles without mastery of the English language.

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