Local news website the Scrutiniser was today scurrying round desperately for anyone with a tangentially linked experience to the royal offspring as they attempt to fill space.
Prospective mothers called Kate. Prospective fathers called William. Or a couple called William and Kate who are expecting their first - that'd be the motherlode. But really, anyone expecting a bairn in the next few days will do. We're fucking desperate to put tangentially relevant shite on here.
If you are or know anyone who fits those categories, we want to hear from you. Pictures, interviews, platitudinous quotes about how you know just what the royal vagina will be going through. We've got space to fill and, as god is our witness, fill it we shall.
Depending on the length of the royal labour, this shit could go on for ages.