Thursday, 18 April 2013

Tesco plans unaffected by £2bn profit

Tesco today pledged that their plans in Huddersfield remain unaffected by their massive profits.
While being presented as horrifically terrible news to the City, the fact that the company made £2bn in profit in the last twelve months was hidden in the small print and the company confirmed that, despite this enormous surplus, their plans in the Huddersfield area remain on track.

New stores are planned in Holmfirth and Huddersfield, the latter including the relocation of the sports centre, and a spokesman for the firm told the Scrutiniser they were committed to growing their footprint.

"Obviously, a poxy two billion quid return in a year is hugely disappointing return", the spokesman said, "and the obvious thing to do would be to abandon all plans to spend any of it. But these are unusual economic times and despite the miniscule amount of money we made last year, we feel that the only way to earn serious dollar is to press ahead as planned".

Colne Valley MP Jason McCartney said "I shop in Tesco, just like a real person".

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